From “Utopia Unlimited” by W.S. Gilbert

[Utopia has adopted a variety of English institutions, with striking results that not everyone approves of]

 Boons?  Bah!  A fico for such boons, say we!

These boons have brought Utopia to a standstill!

Our pride and boast—the Army and the Navy—

Have both been reconstructed and remodeled

Upon so irresistible a basis

That all the neighboring nations have disarmed—

And War's impossible!  Your County Councillor

Has passed such drastic Sanitary laws

That all doctors dwindle, starve, and die!

The laws, remodeled by Sir Bailey Barre,

Have quite extinguished crime and litigation:

The lawyers starve, and all the jails are let

As model lodgings for the working-classes!

In short—Utopia, swamped by dull Prosperity,

Demands that these detested Flowers of Progress

Be sent about their business, and affairs

Restored to their original complexion!


King: (to Zara)  My daughter, this is a very unpleasant state of things.  What is to be done?   

Zara:I don't know—I don't understand it.  We must have   omitted something.   

King: Omitted something?  Yes, that's all very well, but—-  

(Sir Bailey Barre whispers to Zara.)   

Zara: (suddenly)  Of course!  Now I remember!  Why, I had   forgotten the most essential element of all!   

King: And that is?—-   

Zara: Government by Party!  Introduce that great and glorious element—at once the bulwark and foundation of England's greatness—and all will be well!  No political measures will endure, because one Party will assuredly undo all that the other Party has done; and while grouse is to be shot, and foxes worried to death, the legislative action of the country will be at a standstill.  Then there will be sickness in plenty, endless lawsuits, crowded jails, interminable confusion in the Army and Navy, and, in short, general and unexampled prosperity!